Big town girl, stuck in a small town world.

I am so SICK of living in a small town. There is nothing to do, and the drama seems 10X worse. I don't have drama in my life at the moment, and I want to keep it that way. I just need to vent. Every time I go back to vancouver, which I consider my home, I miss it that much more. SO much more. My family and my friends that I've grown up with are all out there. My best friend Kaleen, my sister Lacey, my family. I miss vancouver so much. I hate having to drive an hour just too see people, but I do it because I love them, and it's so worth it, no matter how much gas costs. I do plan on moving back there someday, and possibly transfering to clark college. I just love it out there. SOO much. I mean, don't get me wrong, this place has helped me become who I am today, and I love my friends out here SOO much, but I grew up out there, thats what i've known my whole life. And I want to go back..

"I've had the time of my life and I owe it all to you."

High school years are the best times of any teenagers life. The main reason: more independence and freedom. Talking to jared tonight I realized, I missed high school.. A lot more than I had realized. High school was the most memorable chapter in my life. I met so many amazing people who have changed my life. They say your life only gets better, yet I don't see it. Sure my life is pretty darn amazing right now, but I'm not with the people that mean the most to me, my best friends. I know that no matter what I can always talk to them about stuff, no matter how many miles apart we are and that they will be there for me as much as they can.. It's just something about having them closer. But hey, at least we are all in the same state, so I guess I can't complain too much. But Jared said something to me tonight.. "by me missing high school so much I just know and can feel that being a high school counselor is my calling. Maybe since you miss it so much to it's yours to somehow." now it's really got me thinking what I want to do with my life.. I just don't know. I know I want to be a nicu nurse, but him saying that has got me thinking. I love having these conversations with him, where we both get some what emotional and are having a serious conversation. To say the least.. I really miss high school and my friends :/

Everyone makes mistakes;

I just cannot take this anymore! People constantly judging me for the mistakes I've done and treating me like a horrible person. It's stupid they can't just accept me for who I am, and they are constantly bringing up what I've done wrong and not letting me live it down. I try to forget about my mistakes, I don't regret them I Just want to learn from them and get passed them and move on. But they aren't making that possible. Its like they are trying to get me to regret them, yet learn from them. I don't want to regret. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I am a teenager, I am going to make mistakes in life and people just have to accept that everyone mistakes, get over it, it's life. I just can't take people forcing me to do stuff I feel like I shouldn't have to do and undermining me and what I believe is right and making me feel horrible for standing up for myself. I am my own person. I will live my life the way I want to and the way I feel like it should be lived.

Who will love me for me?

I am so sick of people judging me, people putting me down and forcing me to do things that I don't want to do. This is a never ending cycle. You always just like to cause drama in my life because it makes you feel good. You just constantly keep on going until I can't take it anymore. I'm so sick of feeling depressed and unwanted. I have only a few people in my life who haven't judged me. They are some of the best people I have ever come across. I try and stand up for myself, and when I do I'm always put down and told other wise. It makes me scared to death to stand up for what I believe in but I am going to do it anyways. I am glad I have those people in my life I know I can always fall back on when times get tough. I just don't know where to go from here, I just know being treated like this isn't right and something needs to happen. I don't want to feel like this anymore, like no one cares. I'm so sick of being so emotional about everything. I just don't know what to do. :/

Stuck like glue, Hyper twins style!

Up and Down like a rollercoaster ride.

That's what life is lately. I'm really learning who my true friends are. People try and turn people against me, but it never works, or this time at least. Through this whole last month I've really figured out who will stick by my side no matter what. Needless to say, this has been the best summer ever! I have the best of friends. I've done the most awesome things! Although my friends have started college, we still talk and hang out when we can. No matter what we all will be friends. At the moment, I couldn't ask for a better life. I am just loving life! :)

"Everything is different, but it seems like nothing's changed."

Thing seemed to have gotten a little better since I last posted. At first they got really bad, then good. Now, things seem better.. But for some reason, I see no change in what was said that there would be change in. Something new popped up. It's not horrible, and I am not mad, It just kind of depresses me with the fact that I feel like I've lost a best friend of mine, because of things people are saying and the things that my friend is doing. Things just got a little weird, and I take partial blame. Oh well, Thats life. But other than that things are going pretty well. I have the best friends in the world. We all try and do something like once a week it seems like, and not on purpose either. Lately we've gone too voo doo, we've gone bowling, the mall, burgerville, and its so much fun! Oh the adventures I have with my friends! The youth Pastor is stepping down in about a month and a few weeks. This is sad. But God has a plan for him. We will of course miss him, but its not like we will lose contact with him. Swimming is going pretty well. Family life, not so much. But I won't elbaborate on that. My foriegn exchange friend is leaving in about a week.. This makes us all really sad; I am sad too see her go! But I am SO thankful for the time we did get to have with her, and she will always be one of my best friends, and I will go visit her at her home someday in Italy! Well, lifes crazy, and I just felt like blabbing about random things. Haha.

Oh the things Heather does.

She calls me a fire hazard, she sings when she is typing in her password & email, which I don't know how she can do, because I would just type the song lyrics, we are in senior projects, on blogger, with absolutly nothing to do. She is sitting in her chair backwards, singing we speak americano, OBD, and she is doing the Heidi... Oh Heather... You always keep people speechless! Which is a good thing! She dreams of Unicorns, Rainbows and Shia Lebouf! Bahaha! You always do the most random things, and are always the life of the party! You're my best girl friend! ODB ODB ODB, OLYA OLYA OLYA, Do the Heidi.. Sorry, The memories! :D We blog to much, Actually I blog too much!